9315.) I hate the feeling of liking someone, the feeling of infatuation. People say that love is one of the best feelings out there, but I disagree. It's filled with worry and jealousy and confusion and curiosity and fears and longing and tears and heartbreak. It's just so overwhelming and I feel so much better when I am not infatuated with someone. I do not constantly think of them, of us, of the person they are with at the moment. Life is simpler.
no words are coming out of my mouth. there are so many things I want to say, but I can’t say a damned thing. I’m usually much better at expressing myself… but everything I have to say will hurt people. what they don’t know is that by not saying these things to them, I’m locking away the hurt that they make me feel, because they don’t care about me. but I bet they’d care very much if I told them how I felt. they’d care so much they’d make me feel guilty for expressing those things I feel. they’d say I’m “taking things the wrong way” and to “stop being so dramatic.” story of my life.
either I’m really fucked up, or this world is. either way, something is very wrong here, and all I can do to prevent myself from self-imploding is escape. I read books, I follow TV series, I watch movies, and I pretend a whole lot.
everything & everyone is so fake. myself included. I wish I could really talk.